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Peak Points
UFC 314 reaction and my ex won't leave me alone!
Alexander Volkanovski's triumphant return to championship glory headlined a UFC 314 card that delivered spectacular finishes, shocking upsets, and career-defining performances.
"Adversity is a privilege" – these words from Volkanovski perfectly capture the essence of his journey back to the featherweight throne. At 36 years old, facing the powerful Diego Lopes after two knockout losses, Volkanovski displayed vintage technical brilliance, landing a staggering 165 strikes while weathering significant power shots from his challenger. This wasn't just a victory; it was resurrection – becoming the first fighter his age to reclaim a championship in the lighter weight classes.
The card's other standout moment came when Paddy Pimblett dismantled Michael Chandler in a way no previous opponent had managed. This wasn't what the Paddy skeptics expected; this was a complete fighter ready for the division's elite. His callouts of Justin Gaethje and Arman Tsarukyan suddenly seem legitimate rather than aspirational, marking his definitive arrival as a top-tier contender.
Perhaps equally shocking was Jean Silva's submission victory over jiu-jitsu specialist Bryce Mitchell. The reverse guillotine left Mitchell with perhaps the most traumatized expression ever seen post-fight, further cementing the Fighting Nerds team's remarkable undefeated streak and proving their fighters truly have no holes in their game.
Other notable moments included Yair Rodriguez's technical striking clinic against Bellator champion Patricio Pitbull and Dominick Reyes returning to form with a spectacular knockout. From prelims to main event, UFC 314 reminded fans why this promotion consistently delivers the highest level of mixed martial arts competition in the world.
Subscribe now to catch our upcoming breakdowns of where Volkanovski, Lopez, Pimblett and other UFC 314 standouts go from here in their respective divisions and listen to some triggering reddit reactions.
Welcome back to Peak Points. Today we will be discussing UFC 314, volkanovski vs Lopez and, of course, what some of you come here specifically for reactions. As always, that will start in about half an hour, so feel free to trot on down the road to that point if that's what you're in here for.
Alan:Harley, let's get into the octagon. Let's talk about that UFC 314 card yes what an amazing card there were some spectacular moments on there, for sure and this card was slated to be one of the best of the year and it delivered. In my opinion, it delivered some uh very shocking moments and some not so shocking moments, with these uh odds which are pretty interesting to me. But uh, we'll go ahead and start off with that early prelim section. Uh, we'll gloss over it real quick.
Alan:Uh, the only really fight that interested me from there was a cedric dumas versus uh uh, mikhail oleksiychik um and nice ko in the first round nice ko right in the early prelims, which is funny to see that mikhail has switched camps over to train with the fighting nerds and once again they add one more win. They add one more win, no losses. It's insane dude.
Harley:That's impressive. It's incredibly impressive for how many fighters they've got going right now.
Alan:Yeah.
Harley:Incredible.
Alan:And adding Mikael to their roster and adding another knockout to that record too, I do feel bad for Cedric Dumas. To that record too. I do feel bad for Cedric Dumas. A quick little tidbit about Cedric Dumas His coach, which he loves dearly, has brain cancer and literally has told him like if I'm not there I'm sorry, right, and Cedric Dumas pointed out he was there no matter what. And what a great story that he has for sure for that team and for that coaching staff.
Harley:Some good loyalty and dedication right there.
Alan:Then we move on to the prelim card, and that's first fight Darren Elkins versus Julian Erosa, another KO.
Harley:In round one again.
Alan:I'll just say right now now, this card had very few decisions it was a lot of finishes, yeah uh. So the great ko by erosa on that one. After that we had that old boy versus that young boy. Uh, jim miller versus chase ho.
Harley:Not quite any closer to his 40 career wins, yeah not quite there.
Alan:He still holds a lot of records in the UFC Most wins and most fights in the UFC. However, chase Hooper a massive favorite. I'll just read it off real quick on the ESPN he was minus 750 and a plus 525, jim Miller he wins by unanimous decision. Taking out another quote-unquote old guy and that's what he said in his interview afterwards. I'm going to stop fighting these old guys. Give me someone young, give me someone fresh.
Harley:I mean it's kind of fair.
Alan:Yeah, I mean, we'll see.
Harley:The energy level is pretty significantly different. Right skill is takes you so far, but but uh, if you just don't have the energy and pep in your step, yep, and a great win for chase hooper.
Alan:and uh, we move on to the women's strawweight bout yan shanon versus verna Jandiroba. It kind of went the way I kind of thought it was going to go. That Verna chick she just is a dog and most of the rounds mauled Yan Xiaonan winning by unanimous decision, dominating her pretty much on the ground a lot of the time. And then we had that fight that I was very excited for and it did not disappoint. Dan Ige versus Shawn Woodson.
Harley:Yeah, dan.
Alan:Ige coming in as the underdog.
Harley:That was a great fight, Great fight.
Alan:Dan Ige put him out. Shawn Woodson kind of complained about that stoppage. But if you're taking 20 shots to the head and not answering back, you're going to get TKO.
Harley:Yeah, it's not healthy to be doing that.
Alan:No, not doctor's recommendations for that one, but great win for Dan Ige. He sincerely needed this one, and a great way to do it.
Harley:Oh yeah, I mean I've decided I really like him just from my first exposure to him fighting Diego Lopez. On short notice On that such short notice and putting up such an incredible fight.
Alan:Oh yeah.
Harley:And so I'm very happy to see him progressing within the division.
Alan:So far, every fight I've seen with Dan Ige has been a dogfight.
Harley:Well, I guess technically he didn't progress, he just kept his position.
Alan:He kept his position and then, unfortunately, a couple losses, but definitely a great win. He needed this one, another person that needed this win, and win by another knockout oh yeah. Dominic Reyes, the only person to give Jon Jones a run for his money, versus Nikita Krylov, who kind of ran into the punch. But a great combo I mean great counterpunch by Dominic Reyes.
Harley:I mean yeah. I mean yes, he ran into it, but that's incredibly, shall we say, I can't remember the terminology. But basically, great fight. Iq from.
Alan:Reyes yes, absolutely.
Harley:Because, yes, he was on the back foot, he was retreating, but he was waiting for those shots to throw out, even though he was backing up.
Alan:And that was awesome. He did like a little jump hook, caught him slipping and unfortunately, Nikita caught himself sleeping. Yeah, he did. So what a knockout Dominic Reyes. He needed this. Let's see where he goes now.
Harley:And then we had the people's main event, the people's main fight, so it was called the performance of the night performance of the night featherweight bout bryce mitchell versus john silva, another fighting nerd.
Alan:So yeah, it was crazy because of all the talk that was behind this fight, which was bryce mitchell, the jujitsu genius yeah and to see whether John Silva is able to take it anywhere.
Alan:and TJ Dillashaw spoke about this in a podcast and he said and he said very eloquently that Bryce Mitchell has some holes in his game, right and he looked small and for that division and but I think, compared to Gene Silva who looks pretty big for that division and who, he said, has no holes in this game, proving that even if someone who's a jiu-jitsu expert, wherever he takes it to the ground or standing, he has a great IQ for yeah, I do have to say that in the beginning of the fight John Silver didn't really look like he was, you know, super strong in the running, if you will.
Harley:Bryce Mitchell came out pretty strong.
Alan:Yeah, he did, came out fast.
Harley:I mean he definitely had the most strikes and all of that, but he definitely seemed, especially by the end of the first round he really seemed I wouldn't say quite gassed, but it seemed like his head was not in the fight anymore.
Alan:Yeah yeah. He was like, seemed very skittish, making mistakes such as putting his head down, getting caught by not one, not two, but three guillotine attempts, and the third one being the successful one, a reverse guillotine. Very impressive by John Silva, proving that even though he just barks a lot, he also has that bite man, because that was very impressive against Bryce. Mitchell, who pulled off that infamous twister that I was bringing up the whole night.
Harley:Yeah, yeah, I do have to say that that was one of the most traumatized looks I've ever seen from someone at the end of a match from Bryce Mitchell at that match.
Alan:He put him to sleep.
Harley:I mean I've seen a lot of faces after a submission or a knockout or whatever, but that was, I think, definitely the most traumatized look.
Alan:It's funny because he looked.
Harley:Like he just saw. God, yes.
Alan:And he probably asked him like what happened. But Bryce Mitchell, unfortunately he took a big l to, uh, an amazing fighter, john silva. The fighting nerd crew is just expanding that record absolutely very impressive man.
Alan:They're proving that they don't really have any holes in their game right now. I mean, everybody thought, like bryce m Bryce Mitchell was was possible. It's possible that he would choke John Silva out, but no, john Silva wins that by finish and then we move on to that featherweight bout that I was very excited about your Rodriguez versus Patricio Pitbull, and that was a dog fight a dog fight. I mean, unfortunately in the press conference it was kind of overshadowed by the whole Yair versus Diego Lopez beef, that kind of.
Harley:Yeah, which frankly has zero relevance for the fight. That actually happened.
Alan:It came out of nowhere, but I've been seeing some posts about Dana White salivating over that. Because that's going to be the next fight to make, and maybe the next fight to make in Mexico for Noche.
Harley:Both of them representing Mexico even though Diego.
Alan:Lopez is Brazilian. However, it did not overshadow that this was a complete war and Patricio really tried hard showing that he can hang with the top five. Coming in from another promotion, a champion from another promotion and still holding his own versus one of the most versatile strikers in the featherweight division. Yair has so many tools, so many kicks.
Harley:Yeah, he was pretty varied. He wasn't pulling the same three moves at all.
Alan:No, he was not spamming B.
Harley:Yeah, no spamming of B.
Alan:He spent a lot of coins on that arsenal that he unloaded, I mean from switch kicks that he did right at the beginning, from kick and punch combos that he would do and all the low kicks that he was really digging at that leg of Patricio Pitbull.
Harley:Right.
Alan:But Patricio Pitbull did not look tired, did not look old, he looked like he couldn't face the top ten. And let's see where he goes.
Harley:Yeah, I mean, could he use some polishing for this kind of fighting specifically? Absolutely, but for his first jaunt into it, amazing.
Alan:And what this just proves to me is that the fighters of the UFC are, in fact, the best in the world. You know, number five beats a champion from another promotion Just goes to show you that. Ufc really has an amazing roster of talent. So yeah, that fight Yair Rodriguez versus Patricio Pitbull. What a dogfight, what a great performance by Yair, Only improving his stock with this win.
Harley:Absolutely.
Alan:And then we had another performance of the night, and I'm going to touch on this one because I'm very pleasantly surprised by Patty Pimlett.
Harley:Absolutely. That was a great fight.
Alan:The fight that he was able to bring to Michael Chandler and the way he was able to make Michael Chandler look, which no one has been able to do. He's come up with losses but amazing war of fights. I've been talking to Justin Gaethje, you're talking Dustin Poirier, you're talking Oliveira, twice. Yeah, and to get bodied by Patty like this, you know.
Harley:Yeah, I mean it's not a great look for Chandler, but admittedly all of his losses have been against some of the best in the division, possibly all time.
Alan:Absolutely. And Patty Pimlett, proving that he has the tool bag to break into that top five. And I like the call outs he made specifically to Armin Sorokin Him versus Armin Sorokin would be a great fight and Justin Gaethje, who he really, really wants to fight, justin Gaethje.
Harley:That would be an interesting fight Before this fight.
Alan:I did not think that Before this fight versus Michael Chandler, I'm like oh, I think Gaethje starches Patty Pimlett, oh okay. But now seeing this fight and the performance that Patty- put up against a dog like Michael Chandler.
Harley:Yeah.
Alan:He can do it. Patty Pimlett can.
Harley:Yeah.
Alan:Dan beat, I think, anybody at this point with that performance, the way he looked, how impressive he looked and how there was nothing that Michael Chandler could do and Patty was mauling him man Towards the end before that TKO win. He was mauling him and Chandler had that extremely bloody look on his face, he really did, he was just wow. What a performance by Paddy, who a lot of people sleep on specifically. They sleep on him.
Alan:They sleep on his ability, but they forget that he's been fighting. He started fighting as an amateur at like 16 years old and has been pretty much a fighting genius since then. You know so.
Harley:I think this just proves. I think Paddy Pimlet's ready to face somebody maybe in the top five, maybe ie Justin Gaethje I mean I wouldn't be. I would not be upset at all. I mean that was a truly impressive performance. His gas tank was great. He had great IQ. Throughout the whole thing. I didn't really notice him get rattled. I mean yeah he got hit, but it's not like it rattled him and he lost confidence in himself, or something like that and then came back.
Harley:He just was steady the whole time stood up to that moment and then the tall. I mean yes, chandler, like we were saying, you know he hasn't he hasn't been having a great streak right now, but he's still a truly impressive fighter in his own right. And yeah, I mean, it took three rounds, yeah, three rounds, and most of the way into the third round before they were able to finally finish it.
Alan:So it was a truly good war, yeah, and an amazing performance by Patti Pimlett. I am very impressed. I'm going to give a quick comment about that involving by the time this show is released. I'm pretty sure you guys would have heard that Joe Rogan episode versus Ilya Toporia where Ilya comments and says he is indeed interested in that Paddy fight versus Ilya. He wants it to take place in the Bernabeu Stadium in Spain, which, as we know, dana White doesn't like fights in stadiums. But just the fact that he mentioned Paddy Pimlet shows that Paddy Pimlet is making waves, indeed, in that division.
Alan:Yeah, I want to see Pad versus Gaethje, honestly, and see how that goes, mostly because we're not really sure what's going on with the belt right now with. Islam, with Teporia entering the 155 division.
Harley:And, like we've said before, we both really agree that Ilya needs to prove himself within division before he gets a crack at that belt.
Alan:Yes.
Harley:I mean, I think Pimblitt would be a really interesting matchup with him, but that would mean Ilya doesn't fight for a really long time Because Paddy's got to heal up for this.
Alan:Which, from what I understand, before he can even start training for that, from what I understand, he is willing to wait, but he also said that he's willing to wait just to get a belt opportunity. Well, yeah, so I mean very interesting time in this division, but Patty Pimlett's making waves against all the 150 fibers, so, uh, you will see where he goes and we'll see if he's winning the face of top fiber and maybe we'll see that justin gaethje fight come to fruition and then that main fight of the night, vintage and I'm talking amazing vintage volkanovski. He looked amazing, he looked great, he looked the best that he has in a long time, and I feel like this is bringing people back to what a great champion Volkanovski was Not to take away from Diego Lopez.
Harley:No, definitely not.
Alan:And I will say a lot of that fight. I was amazed by the shots that Diego Lopez was taking. Oh my God.
Harley:My God, his chin.
Alan:His chin Frickin' granite man, Granite chin.
Harley:Holy moly, I mean absolutely no shade at all to Diego. Lopez, because that was truly a championship fight. Yeah, absolutely. Truly a championship fight. Yeah, absolutely. He put in a lot of work and Volkanovski looked worse than I think I've ever seen him post-fight.
Alan:Right, oh yeah, he looked horrible those eyes. And there was that round. Was it the round four where he dropped Volkanovski, where my heart pretty much jumped out of my chest there?
Harley:giving me PTSD of toporia and Islam. And again, more props to Lopez, because if Volkanovski had been even a touch slower on many occasions he would have dropped him or at least rattled him. Absolutely and potentially been able to continue with the combo, but Volk was just staying just ahead of him.
Alan:Oh man, he looked fast, he looked smooth, he looked technical.
Harley:Yeah.
Alan:I mean just given the total strikes, 165 to 71. 165 total strikes by Volkanovski. He looked amazing. Yeah, and he also looked like the best shape that he's looked in years, which is very motivating to see given all the stats against him.
Harley:Yeah, for sure.
Alan:And given all the curses against him, but given the fact that he's the one I think the only 36 year old to win the belt back in in the smaller weight classes, oh yeah, the first to do it, uh, which was a big, a big conversation point surrounding him was can he do it? Can he come back after two knockout losses? Can he come back at 36 years old and attain this belt against one of the most dangerous opponents in that division?
Alan:yeah one of the hardest hitting opponents in that division and he proved that greatness. It just sometimes you just have that and Volkanovsky did have that that night he had greatness. One of the great things that he said was and he quoted this, it was a really great quote. It was adversity is a privilege, Amazing.
Alan:That is good it's very, very poignant to what he's gone through, which is adversity. And with that championship he moves one step closer to surpassing, uh, jose aldo, with seven featherweight title fights, moving him to second place all time in the division behind jose aldo, yeah and uh. You know that was just a great performance by Volkanovski and I can't say enough.
Harley:Yeah, one thing I just wanted to bring up was it was kind of interesting to me how it was almost like an unspoken thing between the two of them to almost exclusively go for headshots. I mean looking at the stats here, Volkanovski threw 136 headshots. He hit 136. I mean, most of them weren't terribly significant, but 136 shots to the head and then 49 from Lopez is crazy.
Alan:Oh yeah, it was a complete war man I mean.
Harley:Again. That definitely showcases just how powerful Lopez is, because he hit 49 headshots and Volkanovski looked like that.
Alan:Right.
Harley:And Volkanovski hit him with 136, and he looks the way he looks, which is a little puffed up, sure.
Alan:It's impressive. But he didn't look near as bad as Volkanovski. Yeah, exactly, and I don't think Diego Lopez's stock goes down with this fight at all.
Harley:No, not in my opinion.
Alan:I think that he looked championship caliber. Oh yeah, he looked one fight away from back in this position again personally.
Harley:And I wouldn't be surprised if you know you had the same fight ten times in a row, that they weren't practically even right, like if it just played out yeah, 10 different times and I would not I would not have been shocked. I would not be shocked to see the stats at five. Five because they're they were excellent fighters really on par with each other.
Alan:Different styles a little, but yeah, it was just a class act of fighting between both of them and the art of fighting, because it's like it was tit for tat. It was perfect. It was a great performance by Volkanovsky, showcasing his speed, his accuracy, his technique, and same with Diego Lopez, which, you know, props off to him. He didn't have as many strikes, he couldn't find the target. But the ones that he did find, like you were saying, were devastating a lot of the time.
Harley:Oh yeah.
Alan:I was surprised, given the two knockout losses by Volkanovski, given how he was willing to get in the pocket and trade with Diego Lopez regardless of that just goes to show you how much of a dog Volkanovski is, and it's very great to see vintage Volkanovski, Great to see him back with his belt.
Harley:And I was happy to finally see him win.
Alan:And yeah, you finally got to see him win, given all the hype that I've been giving him.
Harley:Yeah, the previous two times I'd seen him, the only two previous times I'd seen him, he unfortunately lost.
Alan:Right, yeah, I mean, and what people to lose to? But gets his belt back. Uh, we'll see what, what the next step is for him. I think he wanted to do a quick turnaround. I'm hearing some rumors about that. He may have came injured. His hand may have came injured prior to this fight. In what way?
Alan:um, I'm not sure what the rumors are, but I just understand that he may have had an injured hand coming into this fight, which may or may not affect him having that quick turnaround that Volkanovski was looking for, looking for a quick turnaround after this fight and looking to maybe fight Evolov, another great contender in this division. I don't think this division is going to have a hard time finding contenders.
Harley:No, they're decently stacked.
Alan:And I am not afraid of the future of this division. Given the performance of Diego Lopez, I think that he could easily come back and be a championship contender again, and who knows where he goes if he fights Yair Rodriguez, which in my opinion, would be an amazing fight.
Harley:It has the potential for sure.
Alan:That would be a classic. I want to mention the new UFC pound pound for pound men's rankings came in the new ai generated pound for pound rankings oh, through meta I don't know if it was meta, but it is ai generated. So, yeah, I know that dana white has been uh pleading for this for a long time, but, surprise, surprise, john jones is still not number one, pound for pound, sorry.
Alan:Dana. Let me read this off to you guys right now. The top 15 men's pound for pound Islam Makachev, still number one. John Jones, number two. Elio Toporia, number three. Number four Marab DiValishvili, number five. Drikas Duplassi, number six. Magomed Ankelaev, number seven. Remember the name Bala Muhammad.
Harley:I really forgot number eight, alex Pereira.
Alan:Number nine, alexander Volkanovski. He moves up two spots. He moves up to number nine after this performance. And number ten, alexandre Pantoja. Number eleven, tom Aspinall. Number twelve, max Holloway. Number thirteen, sean O'Malley getting that rematch versus Murab Soon, we'll talk about that later. Number fourteen, charles Oliveira. And number fifteen kind of surprised me, but kind of not really Armin Sarukian. We'll see what happens with him. I mean, we haven't seen him fight ever since he was supposed to fight Islam.
Alan:So yeah so I don't know agree or disagree with this list, but that's that new pound for pound list, ai generated as Dana White wanted it, and I think we'll go ahead and the UFC talk there. Hardly I know we got some triggering reddit stories to read through, so time to be trigger. I guess this is your trigger warning in, if you're listening to this. So All right, harley, are you ready to get triggered?
Harley:Absolutely.
Alan:Because I think this story might trigger some pretty interesting emotions, but we'll see. It's under trueoffmychest subreddit True off my chest subreddit. The OP is known underscore honeydew, underscore 169. Title is my ex is lingering in my life through my dad's friendship group and I'm at the end of my tether. My ex and I broke up over two years ago. We were together for about four years and while the relationship was emotionally mismatched, he was emotionally invalidating, guilt-tripping and often made me feel drained. I genuinely wanted to stay on good terms afterward and we agreed to stay friends quote-unquote because we were part of the same close-knit social circle which includes my dad and my dad's friends, Sounds reasonable so far.
Alan:For a while it was okay and we'd hang out in group settings and I'd tolerate his presence even though it was emotionally exhausting. But as time passed I realized I was only tolerating him out of people-pleasing habit and deep down I was still emotionally tethered to him and seeing him at every social event was subtly eating away at me. So a few weeks go by and I decided to tell him directly that I needed space. I said I wasn't cutting him off, but I wanted to stop spending time together in such close settings like camping trips and house parties. I even said I'd be fine running into him casually at the pub, but I needed some emotional distance to fully move on. All seemed fine for a short while and respectful for 12 hours, until he backtracked and said I'll do what I want and if you're uncomfortable with that, it's not my problem.
Alan:And now he's still very much a presence in my life because he refuses to leave our shared group chat which includes my dad and other mutual friends. He doesn't directly message me, but he'll put an emoji and react to my dad's messages or heart group photos, just enough to let me know that he's still there. It's emotionally suffocating. It's like he's marking his territory without actually engaging with me. I feel like I'm being gaslit. Everyone in the group, including my dad and stepmom, act like I'm overreacting. My dad literally called him quote-unquote, like a son Sheesh and implied I should just get over it. But how am I supposed to move on when I have to see his name pop up every time someone sends a group message, when he's still clearly trying to remain emotionally embedded in my life, despite me asking for space?
Alan:I've muted the chat since then, but it's not enough. I've thought about leaving it altogether, but then I look like the dramatic one and I know my ex would happily remain in the group even if I left, which just makes me feel even more erased. I'm not asking for much, just basic respect for my boundaries, but it feels like I'm constantly being made out as the problem for reacting to his continued emotional presence. I'm at my wit's end. Do I just ghost the chat or let them figure it out? Or should I confront him directly again, even though I know it won't go well? Or do I just continue ignoring him and hope he eventually gets the message? I feel like I'm going insane trying to navigate this dynamic. Any advice would be appreciated. Insane trying to navigate this dynamic. Any advice would be appreciated. Edit. Thanks for all your comments. I'm taking some time to process this that doesn't really add any content.
Harley:So, if I'm correct, it sounds like the timeline is it's only been a few weeks since the breakup and if that's so, I understand wanting some time to distance yourself and to kind of cleanse yourself, if you will, of any emotions relating to that person, relating to that person. On the flip side, if you need the, the space for yourself, it is perfectly reasonable to, as they did, mute yourself from the group chat.
Harley:What I don't understand is that somehow not being enough. Because you're not seeing it, You're not interacting with it. And if you're not seeing it interacting with it, why does it bother you?
Alan:I guess it's more like in the back of their mind OP's mind that the dad sounds like he's really close to her ex yeah, they sound like like they're uh, you know more.
Alan:Like obviously he says he feels like he's a son which is kind of crazy to me and I kind of understand that she kind of feels like they're invalidating her feelings In this case, invalidating that she kind of needs space and she never really got the chance to get away from him, it seems like, and that she did take the time to tell him at one hand, like you know what, we kind of need some space from each other, but I don't think that it really mattered to him obviously.
Harley:Well, clearly, if he said he's going to do what he, wants what he wants.
Alan:Yeah, so it's more like in the back of her mind, even if she mutes the chat, even if she leaves the chat. It's more so that, no matter what, her ex is getting close to her family Like even whether or not she's there or not.
Harley:I believe it said they were together for what? Two years.
Alan:It said they were together for about four years.
Harley:Oh, about four years. In four years time, I fully understand developing a strong relationship with your partner's family.
Alan:Right.
Harley:I've done it, I've had it in reverse, and maintaining the friendship after the fact is largely dependent on the situation of the breakup. And it's a weird situation because on the op side of things, and if you're going to put yourself in her shoes, the healthy thing to do is to step back, get over it in your own mind. And if that process of getting over it in your own mind requires you to take a step back, then do so.
Harley:I mean, she already stated that they agreed to stay friends right and if they're agreeing to stay friends, then it is perfectly reasonable for him to stay friends with the friend group that said. Obviously he's being unreasonable with the way he's saying that he's going to do what he wants.
Alan:Right, which leads me to kind of think maybe he is kind of being a little facetious, you know.
Harley:Well, I mean, and then here's the other thing. She's clearly still troubled by the breakup, of course.
Alan:Similarly, if he's reacting this way, it's likely that he's also struggling with the breakup, and he's just manifesting it in a different way, a different way exactly so I'm not going to say, I'm certainly not saying, that either side of this is the healthy option. No, this is the healthy option, I think, and the easiest option for a mutual breakup is if both parties just part ways.
Alan:You know that's definitely the easiest way for both of them. You know, I think, and I don't know, and I don't know, I don't know, like we don't know enough of the backstory of their relationship to really know what kind of dynamics they had family-wise, what kind of dynamics they had in their social circle, right. However, yeah, it's just the easiest way to go around. It is just really try to find that space and try to avoid, you know.
Harley:Yeah, that's definitely the easiest, but, like the original poster said, they said they were going to remain friends, right? So they're clearly not choosing the easy route.
Alan:No.
Harley:So if you're not going to choose the easy route, you need to start figuring out how you're going to handle the hard route.
Alan:Right, yeah, and this is a very hard route.
Harley:And so.
Alan:This is the route. Yes, that where the tornadoes and thunderclouds are up ahead. You know where they could have chose the rainbows and flowers on the left side, anyway, anyway.
Harley:So they're're gonna remain friends. Either she needs to decide she's gonna renege on that and say, no, we're not gonna remain friends, or she needs to take steps within her own life to accept the path that he's choosing. I'm not saying his path is right. What I am saying is neither she nor anyone potentially commenting on this has the power to make him stop. And if you don't have the power to make someone stop, the only thing that lamenting about the way they're acting is going to do is hurt you. It's not going to change their actions. It's not going to help you. You need to find the way to make life work. So either you convince everyone to drop him or you, in your own mind, step back, get clear, like muting the conversation, and if you're really going to stay friends, just stay muted for a while. Get over it, then come back.
Alan:Regroup.
Harley:Yeah, but throwing a hissy fit about it isn't going to change the situation. It clearly isn't.
Alan:I think she should go in the group chat and just post pictures with another partner and be like look how awesome my other partner is, just flood the chat. I mean, if he wants to heart these pictures, he could heart these pictures too. You know React to that.
Harley:There's the vindictive or maliciousness that you could go with that route, but that's that's not the healthiest route or you could go the route that this commenter said um, I chun mine holes interesting name.
Alan:I would write into the group chat that you need space from your ex and then you can't have that when he is always there. That's the reason why you're leaving the group. Then text your dad and your stepmom that you don't want any contact with them if they don't support your decision. Sounds like an ultimatum and if a person that is like a son is more important than the actual child, then maybe it's better if they get a little time out to think about that. And someone comments on that. Southern nanny says this write in the group chat that you've asked him to leave because you need space and that he refuses and for that reason you're going to leave that group. Tell them if they need to contact you. They can message you directly and to make sure to word it nicely and very matter of fact Nothing wordy or lengthy, very cut and dry and succinct, and then leave the end. If he won't remove himself when you remove yourself, you can't do anything about it. You only control over your own actions.
Harley:All right, so I can understand that thought process. In my eyes that is not the healthiest option. It does kind of get back in with the easiest option that we were joking around with earlier, but easiest option that we were joking around with earlier. But there's always so much nuance that's not set and you could ask a million questions and still not have all the nuance of a situation. But in this case I think, leaving like that especially after she had already said that the dad and stepmother so if they're already feeling like you're being dramatic, I'm not going to say that you are, but I'm also not going to say that you're not being dramatic. And in that vein, if you are being dramatic, then you making that declaration in the group chat is only going to validate that and it's going to drive a wedge between you and the rest of the people. You have a relationship excluding the ex.
Harley:And that's not going to do anyone any favors.
Alan:No, definitely not.
Harley:Yes, you might technically gain peace by not having to contend with that thorn in your side, but you're also losing out on all those friendships and, yes, they might not be the most perfect of friendships right or relationships yeah, but if it's your small social circle that you enjoy, is it worth it to step back, get over your own trauma or issues that you're having and then come back and get to enjoy all those friendships or close acquaintances, even if you want to call it that? Friendships, yes, or close acquaintances, even if you want to call it that. Is it more fulfilling to to take the time and then come back and enjoy it, or is it more fulfilling to just cut it all off and have to create new friendships and potential family relationships?
Alan:and that that's exactly what I was about to read a comment by springtime moon. At the end they say that, uh, they say he's doing this to make you uncomfortable and making it seem as you're the bad one. As they say, any attention is better than none, so keep the group chat muted, don't engage, don't talk shit, and hopefully he'll'll get bored. As for your dad, as he may be hoping that you guys get back together, question mark, his attitude is awful. I'd maybe try to make new friends and join new activities outside of this friend group, as eventually they might notice his behavior. So the new friend group is definitely maybe the way to go and, and like you said, take some time and reflect on yourself and and move forward.
Harley:Move forward with your life well, either way, you need to take a step back and decide which either way.
Alan:either way, advice aside, anything aside, life is going to move forward, no matter what. Whether you want it to or not, there's always going to be something to keep going, and this is just a bump in the road. And if it's unavoidable, it's unavoidable. But all that she can do, our OP can do, is move forward with their life.
Harley:Move forward he can do is move forward with their life, move forward, and if it, uh, can help people, then I'll. I'll just say this that in situations that are tough, yes, sometimes the smart decision is to extricate yourself, but on the side, sometimes the smart decision is to stay, work on yourself, work on your relationships near to you and go through the hard work in order to both keep what you already have but also to potentially become stronger emotionally, intellectually, however you want to say it, depending on whatever problem you're dealing with, but sticking it out and working through both on yourself and your interactions with others, that that almost always only strengthens you.
Harley:If done smartly, obviously you can be stupid and you can stay in a hideously abusive situation and pretend that you change, that you changing is going to stop them from being abusive and some argument. I I suppose there could be some credence to an argument that he's being emotionally abusive. Sure, in that he's not actually stepping back. A little manipulative he's. Yeah, he's being emotionally abusive. Sure In that he's not actually stepping back. A little manipulative. Yeah, he's not respecting her desire for space.
Alan:Boundaries.
Harley:But again, is his reaction that no one else is seeing worth losing the interaction with the rest of the social circle?
Alan:Right and, like you said, those are the things that this person has to step back and evaluate themselves. I like what you said. It was very poignant about you know, trying to work on becoming a stronger person. I think that that takes many forms, whether that be working on themselves or you know what. I know that a good way to get over a breakup, besides new activities, besides new hobbies, besides new friends, is self-reflection perhaps a frickin self-reflection and Perhaps a freaking loophole.
Alan:It's self-reflection and yeah, I mean a new wardrobe ain't going to hurt nobody. Going to the mall and buying some new clothes and changing it up ain't going to hurt nobody.
Harley:It'll hurt your pocketbook. It'll hurt your pocketbook. It won't hurt any person.
Alan:It'll hurt your pocketbook. But then you look in the mirror and you're a different person. You're all swagged out, you know. Just trying to lighten the mood a little bit. Oh, for sure, because this was a very triggering story.
Harley:Yeah, um, you know I just want to, I suppose, to clarify my position in the whole. Potentially staying or moving away is yes, you can run away from your problems, but that doesn't ever solve the problems.
Alan:And with that, Harley, you have anything to trigger me with More.
Harley:I certainly do. This will be a lot more lighthearted one, beautiful. This will be a lot more lighthearted one, beautiful, and it's from Petty Revenge by user Clayton Reed, 70. Her ex-fiance hacked my girlfriend's email, ended up in a padded room.
Harley:20 years ago, dating via eHarmony, I met a great lady who lived 100-ish miles away from the small town I lived in. We set up for her to come visit me and things went crazy. My date called me screaming and crying, asking me why I was leading her on and why I was a cheater. I had no idea what she was talking about or how she was being fed such a made-up story. My date told me that a woman had just yelled at her on the phone, calling her a skank and a marriage wrecker.
Harley:This lady falsely claimed to be married to me and was shocked to see our emails. My date was pissed at me and was demanding answers. Her and I quickly figured out that ex-fiance had set up her email account and she had not changed her password. This is going to sound fanciful, but 100% true. I used to work for a non-profit and the chief of police in our smallish town was on the board. He called the ex-fiance on speaker with me in the room. He told him that he had evidence of computer hacking, a federal crime three to eight years in federal prison, etc.
Harley:I knew he didn't have federal jurisdiction and did my best not to chuckle Ex-fiance, put himself on a voluntary psychological hold for the next 72 hours, thinking it would afford him a temporary insanity alibi. What the no charges were ever planned. Thank you, chief Fulton.
Alan:Oh wow, the chief of police Sheesh.
Harley:I mean that's a great friend to have in that situation.
Alan:That's a great friend to have, yeah that's a great friend to have, that's for sure but?
Harley:but imagine, you're setting up a date who's semi long distance, so you're finally going to meet in person and then, just before they come, you get called like that Someone wants to ruin it?
Alan:Damn dude. That's very unfortunate. And does it give an update as to if they're still together? Do you think that worked out or not?
Harley:So, like at the beginning of the story, it said it was 20 years ago.
Alan:Oh, wow.
Harley:And, yes, a comment asked, specifically asked for that and uh, it was by citrus s-y-s-t-r-i-s citrus citrus. Okay, screw that dude, but you did. You and the date live happily ever after, and they responded with, unfortunately, no, she is great, we're just not great together oh well, sometimes things don't work out oh yeah, but I mean I guess it's not truly triggering.
Alan:But if you've uh had a crazy ex in your past, then it's definitely triggering it could uh remind you of a crazy moment or two and I get triggered just thinking about that, like if that were to happen to me.
Harley:You know that's pretty triggering oh yeah, on both sides, yeah, absolutely I mean, you got somebody trying to sabotage you.
Alan:You know it's like damn, I got this hater.
Harley:That's forever, a forever hater but uh, the the revenge part really really helps make the the triggering not so bad yeah, we need those kind of friends 72 hour insanity hold, that is insane I don't know if you're actually in a padded room, but, uh, in a mental facility for three days anyway. What's your next one?
Alan:I got something triggering for people and that may or may not have dealt with things in the workplace, and this is under our subreddit woman in tech. It's by snoo calculations, 6625. Title is am I the asshole for being transparent with a co-worker which led to a promotion being reconsidered?
Harley:Oh boy, that sounds a little juicy, juicy boy.
Alan:That sounds a little juicy Juicy, sir. So I, 35 female, have been with the company for about a year, and one of my colleagues we'll call him Bob is a 62-year-old male and he's been with the company for 30 years For someone who works in tech, bob really doesn't like change. He absolutely hates anything to do with AI, automation or modernizing systems, which is interesting if you're in tech. The main thing he's been doing infrastructure for more than three decades, but honestly, the whole system looks like it's stuck in 1995.
Harley:Despite that, I think that might be a key component, a key component To his hatred.
Alan:Despite that, I've always respected him. I've been up front with him and about my career goals. Since I started, bob and I have had many conversations about the history of this place and how so many managers have come and gone without ever even telling him what's happening. He just gets told this is your new person to report to, with no warning or discussion. I thought I had a connection with him and I've always tried to be transparent with him because I know he's been left out of the loop in the past. So I wanted to give him a heads up. Recently I took a risk and put forward a proposal to be in a more senior position. While that was declined, I was offered a role that's more of an in-between position. Quote-unquote. To be honest, it's not much different from what I'm already doing, but at least I'd be getting paid the correct amount for my current responsibilities.
Harley:Alright.
Alan:After the meeting, a coworker asked how it went and I simply said that the meeting went well. It wasn't a big announcement, just giving him a heads up, since Bob was always left out of the loop on things. This happened literally five minutes after I walked out of the meeting. Well, shortly after that, bob literally goes behind my back to tell john, which is the boss, and complains, asking if he's going to report to me now he also made it clear he wasn't happy about it. So john pulls me into a meeting and accusing me of gossiping and acting like I'm Bob's boss now, oh no, like somehow I'm acting superior to him, which I would all caps NEVER do. He told me I was being unprofessional, lacked judgment and basically humiliated me. With his words and tone of voice it felt like all the work I've done in the past six months, taking on extra tasks from John, using my skills and achievements to get things over the line, didn't matter. It was all blown out the window because of this one situation. I totally owned my mistake and acknowledged that maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but there is a way of professionally telling someone off, and this was not it. He didn't even. Let me explain my side of the story, it felt like John was more worried about hurting Bob's ego than getting the facts straight.
Alan:And here's the part that's really eating away at me. Honestly, I don't think this would have even happened if I were a male, or at least a white female. I'm so done with fighting for a seat at the table. Every single time I achieve a tiny accomplishment in the tech field, I get shoved right back by a man who gets handed everything. If I leave, the men will win. Man who gets handed everything. If I leave, the men will win. But if I stay, who knows how else I'll get backstabbed and scrutinized for every little thing I do going forward. For context, I've always told Bob that I'm here to support him as much as he supports me. He has great ideas and often gets brushed aside, and I've been his spokesperson more than once, pushing his ideas and helping him bring bring them to life. He's thanked me multiple times and I thought we had a good connection, but clearly I was very wrong. Now I feel like I'm being painted as this arrogant person who's trying to step over people, which couldn't have been further from the truth.
Alan:The worst part I'm not even sure what I want the role anymore, especially after the way John treated me. He didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt and completely disrespected me in that meeting. I never expected that from him. Is he being egotistical? It seemed like he was more interested in protecting Bob's feelings than actually understanding what happened.
Alan:On the flip side, the executive who would be my new manager, sarah, approached me afterward and asked me what happened. She actually listened to my side and gave me some feedback, saying it was probably a bit premature to mention anything to Bob, especially since he's quite hierarchical. I took that feedback professionally and we discussed it. She also asked if Bob was okay now and I told her that he had sent me two apology texts, one last night and one this morning, for his reaction. She said that was good, but now I'm left feeling unsure about the whole situation. Was I wrong for telling Bob that the meeting went well? Should I have kept it to myself if everything until everything was finalized? Now my promotion is up in the air and honestly I'm questioning whether I even want it anymore, especially after how john treated me. Am I the asshole?
Harley:so, again, this is a very nuanced situation and we clearly don't have all the information, but with the information given, I would say, first off, don't let your current feelings sway you from a position that you had already decided. You did want. That you had already decided you did want. That said, yes, you have feelings about this and they are okay to have, and feeling betrayed by Bob is a reasonable feeling to have.
Alan:Yeah, very reasonable.
Harley:However, yes, given your knowledge your stated knowledge of how his reactions are about previous management changes and such as the like, that's not exactly a out-of-left-field reaction from Bob. He clearly has a lot of resentment, built up over years, of a situation that's incredibly similar to the one you just painted. I mean, you're lacking a fair amount of empathy for the people you're working with if you're so blind as to not be able to see how this could be a trigger for Bob.
Alan:Of course.
Harley:I'm not saying you need to always be on tiptoe around everyone about how they'll react to something, but given that this subject is dealing with a person, that you claim to respect and have been around for quite a while, then you should probably be more aware. So yes, as Sarah said, it was probably premature to be talking to Bob about it.
Alan:Yeah, and if you are going to talk to, Bob.
Harley:You need to talk to Bob in a way that Bob is going to understand.
Alan:Yeah, I guess so.
Harley:You don't just give the bare-bone information. I don't know if that's what you did.
Alan:Who knows?
Harley:Or she did, but you need to be extra clear that your position is not going to be over him. You're not his new manager doesn't affect him it's. It's just kind of like a weird intermediary position. That's, that's a.
Alan:That's something you should have really emphasized, given his past issues so one of the comments goes on to say, uh, by misplaced 24. Well, now you know why nobody keeps bob in the loop that was a thought I had someone's like yeah, like no. That's why nobody tells them anything.
Alan:I don't tell co-workers about things like that until it's finalized, and even then, usually after I've taken the new role or specifically being tasked with training my replacement, I don't say anything yeah yeah, I don't say anything, as I like that comment and another one says by nobel, I don't think you've done anything wrong, but I also don't have to deal with uh, office politics like this or miss some nuance, you know yeah this phrase, however, jumped out at me if I leave, the men will win oof.
Alan:I hear this so much. It took me a long time to realize this. But whatever you do, do it because it's the right thing for you, regardless of men winning or losing or anybody winning or losing. For that fact, what you think about you is what matters here. So if you decide to find a different job, do it with your head held high, because you deserve better and because living well, well truly, is the best revenge. Very poignant that that's.
Harley:That's certainly true. Yep um, as a man I can't touch on gender. I can't truly understand the position of being a woman in that situation. And to kind of circle back to her being an asshole or not, I can't say that she's an asshole. I don't think so. I don't think she's.
Alan:I can't say that she's an asshole. I don't think so.
Harley:I don't think she's Like as far as dealing with Bob. She's not free and innocent in my opinion. She knew about Bob, she knew his issues with things.
Alan:Very like the situation that he just presented to him.
Harley:She's definitely not the asshole when it comes to it was John right, the boss, the boss.
Alan:That guy is an asshole. That guy is absolutely the asshole. He sounds like an egotistical boss.
Harley:Well he could be. I don't know what I can say for certain is that any boss who immediately jumps down the throat of another person without getting both sides of the story you shouldn't be a boss and if you're yelling at your employee like they're your kid, that's embarrassing and you definitely shouldn't be in that level of power.
Alan:It's poor leadership. Don't yell at me, you know like regardless of anything.
Harley:Now from John's position I could understand, if, okay, so I can understand from John's position. It's entirely possible he had a very similar situation where an employee, legitimately, was doing what she was being accused of and being very reactionary to that. But again, that's on him as a leader to see and mitigate. He absolutely should have gotten both sides of the story. You can't just rely on one person, person one time, and immediately jump down the throat of someone that said he probably thought that this. I would assume and again it's just an assumption that something like this would not be effectively immediately broadcast and potentially to have someone acting like that and if you are considering someone for that kind of position.
Harley:You absolutely would not want that to be a thing that would happen.
Alan:Right.
Harley:But again, from a leadership perspective, he should have gotten to the bottom of the situation before jumping down someone's throat and also, who knows how much Bob embellished?
Alan:well, he clearly embellished quite a lot.
Harley:Clearly embellished quite a lot if John got the impression that she was being uppity? And acting like she was going to be his manager right then. From the sounds of it, I very much thought she did, given her vehement objection to even considering that option. Yes, because she respects bob.
Alan:So, but so, no matter which way you look at it, john was being an asshole and I think yeah, go ahead well he was being an asshole, but I think her being unhappy and her even reconsidering taking the role and maybe her looking for another job and all that. I think that transcends gender for the most part. I think you know bringing up the gender roles, we'll never know what it's like being a woman in the workforce. I know it may be difficult and I try to understand that plight as much as possible. It may be difficult and I try to understand that plate as much as possible, but I think, uh, like this commenter said, moving forward and uh, living well is truly the best revenge and doing what's right for you is is the best thing.
Harley:Honestly though, revenge shouldn't even come into it, but yeah it's what's best for you and serves you is the option you should be taking.
Alan:What's best for you yeah exactly. She doesn't feel comfortable there anymore. Maybe it is time to move forward.
Harley:That said, if she does get this position, it sounds like John wouldn't be her direct boss anymore. It would be potentially Sarah Good point In which case the situation could be even more fluid than having to deal with John.
Alan:Could be better.
Harley:It could definitely be better.
Alan:And I've heard this term before another door closes and another door opens, you know, oh, for sure.
Harley:And I definitely don't advocate for sticking in a toxic work relationship or situation rather, or situation rather. But on the flip side, it is possible that that was outside of john's typical character, I don't know so that's the situation she needs to assess right if that's outside of his normal character and he does find out what really happened and he apologizes sure then yeah, in my opinion, no reason to leave.
Harley:But if he refuses to see reason and is just going to stand by his reaction, then yeah, and you're going to have to deal with him. Then yeah, get the hell out of there.
Alan:Sure.
Harley:You can't. In very rare circumstances can you overcome a toxic boss very rare, it's hard and in my opinion, there's not really any reason to do so especially for your mental unless you have a fantastic option right as it starts, sure? Sure, I mean a fantastic option to get them to stop or to go over their heads or whatever.
Alan:Yes.
Harley:But otherwise, for the most part it's just not worth it.
Alan:No, it's not worth the mental strain. And dealing with a workplace like that is exhausting, you know. More so the physical, it's, more so exhausting the mental is always trying to get through hoops and stuff like that, which is honestly almost just as draining as physical yeah, twice as much it takes a toll on you in more ways than one.
Alan:So if you're in a toxic workplace, try to get out of that and it's just do what's best for you. I think is the takeaway for this one. Do what's best for you and what makes you happy.
Harley:Absolutely takeaway for this one do what's best for you and what you, what makes you happy. Absolutely, I mean, I'd say this is definitely a triggering, this is triggering.
Alan:Um, I wouldn't say shit in the workplace, moving forward like don't say nothing just don't say nothing.
Harley:That's. That's a lesson, um I think. Unfortunately, a lot of people have to learn the hard way is co-workers are co-workers. They're not your friends no, they're not your well, rarely are they your friends, rarely are they your confidant that you can actually trust yes because it's a work situation and a great number of people will be your friend until they see a benefit in not Exactly Wow. And so you just kind of have to keep that in mind when you're dealing with coworkers.
Alan:And I think that's something that OP can take with them in the future.
Harley:Yeah, yeah. Learn from this. Learn from this. Don't be crippled by it.
Alan:Learn from it, learn from it. Yes, very triggering. Man, I'm still reelingeling bro, I'm triggered right now. Bob's about to get the old one too.
Harley:I mean right, at least he's apologizing. So he clearly realized he went on does exactly rampage exactly, and he apologized. I think that if he hasn't already suggested it or offered it or already done it in fact, given how long ago potentially this was done, I don't know if this was done today or not, but I think she needs to ask him to talk to John.
Alan:Oh yeah, exactly, and convey that she wasn't acting uppity.
Harley:She wasn't saying she was going to be his boss. She wasn't spreading rumors. Especially since he's apologizing, he clearly feels he was in the wrong, so I think it would be perfectly reasonable to ask him to talk to John about this.
Alan:Yeah, exactly.
Harley:And that alone could potentially clear this entire situation up.
Alan:Clear the air. Yeah, who's to know what about you? You got any other triggering stories?
Harley:I do, I do, and this one is, in my opinion, a better trigger.
Alan:It's a good trigger, a better trigger.
Harley:A more heartwarming trigger, if you will, and it's from AskMenAdvice and it's posted by an OKparfait6735. And they identify as a woman. Anyway, I told my boyfriend that I like him exactly the way he is. He got emotional. Does it really mean that much? My boyfriend and I were having a conversation about how our relationship started and I asked him if he would have thought about me again if I hadn't asked him out. He was blunt with me and said probably not. I wasn't trying to give anyone the time of day, much less a girl. Not, I wasn't trying to give anyone the time of day, much less a girl. He then went on to explain why he wanted a better job, a better place to live, etc. Etc. Before he looked for a girlfriend, because he wanted to signal that he was a provider. I threw a wrench in all of that by asking him out and we've been together through job and housing changes, times of plenty and scarcity, through job and housing changes, times of plenty and scarcity all the fun stuff that comes with figuring out adulthood.
Harley:He said that he felt bad that he wasn't providing for me In parentheses. I make more money at the moment and I told him that it didn't matter. I said I liked him just the way he is and for who he is, not the stuff he has. I hugged him and I felt tears on the top of my head from him crying. I tend to not make a big deal out of it when he gets emotional because it makes him feel scrutinized. So I just kept hugging him and didn't say anything. Side note excellent way to handle that.
Harley:For a lot of men it's difficult to be fully vulnerable.
Alan:She sounds pretty empathetic.
Harley:Yeah, yes, Anyway, moving on, I'm just thinking it over now and I'm wondering how and why that statement sparked that much emotion from him. Do you guys usually not hear that they're great the way they are, even when they can't offer much materially? Are y'all always expected to have something to offer beyond love and support? Are other people really that shallow? It was easy for me to say no big deal on my end, but it was, and that was the end of the post.
Alan:Damn. Yeah, that kind of spotlights kind of a generational issue that we kind of have going on, more so than a gender-based issue, how do you figure Is that the man has to be the provider, that this and that. Now it's more like men can't really say anything more than anything. Before it was a worse issue, and then guys try to say anything about how they're actually feeling and it just kind of gets pushed to the side oh you're.
Harley:You're referring to the being open emotionally. Yes, it's a generational issue.
Alan:Yeah, and how she's saying that, do men usually get told that and the short answer is not really yeah, it's, it's.
Harley:It's not a common thing to hear or receive and that's I wouldn't say. In my opinion it's truly a generational thing. I think it's just been. I I'm not going to say that plenty of women haven't said that they appreciate their man in the past. Generationally I'm speaking Sure. I just know that it has been a fairly long-term condition from my understanding of the situation because of historical documentation basically.
Harley:I mean, obviously you can't jump in your time capsule and go check out how it was 300 years ago, but, and for all I know, men were much more emotionally available way back when. But for the last couple of generations at least, and proceeding into ours, it has been very much not the norm for men to receive emotional support or direct appreciation for who and what they are rather than for what they can provide.
Alan:Exactly. I think that is very poignant and proves the point that just because you're a man and that's my piece of advice just because you're a man doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel anything.
Alan:It doesn't mean that you're just supposed to be some sort of robot that is emotionless and just moves on and provides and gets money and does all the things that a man is supposed to do, and I think that's something that's severely understatement, like how it's telling a generational thing.
Alan:It's severely understated these days that a man cannot be appreciated.
Alan:You know, and it's kind of interesting how we're talking about this story and how it pertains to generations and stuff like that. But besides that, I recently heard a story I don't recall exactly who the author was. It was about how, when women go online and talk about how they're feeling and then men accost them or whatever, that typically other men step in and defend the person, defend the woman, defend the person who commented about their feelings for the most part right and when it comes to a man posting about his comments, usually it's the females commenting and talking some smack about how he's not a real man and this, and that those are just some of the things that we see online these days. I would say, when it comes to how a man should really be a man, absolutely and and and what it means to be a man in public, and especially on the internet, it's very hard for a man to be open and have that be well received yep except in specific forums and situations yeah and I mean honestly.
Harley:This is a huge topic that could take hours and hours to talk about and plenty of podcasts and books and such go over it yeah, a lot of research but it is an unfortunate aspect of our society and, from what I understand, it's not strictly American society. It's also perceived in several others at least several, I should say that a great deal of perceived value of men is in what they provide and not in who they are as a person, and that is a side effect of many factors throughout our society.
Harley:But that said, is something that we need to be more aware of and address regularly, and in my own part that's something I try to be more aware of and address regularly and in my own part that's something I try to be aware of with my male friends to at least on occasion mention that they're appreciated by me Appreciated yeah, I mean it's not something I want to do all the time, which I mean it's just not my style, it's not invalid, it's just not my style, it's not invalid, it's just not my style. And before I don't want to become taken for granted, you know, and before we move on from that.
Alan:I think that's that's something that's severely missing in today's generation is just appreciation for your, your fellow man, your fellow friend yeah and I feel like, yeah, people are kind of just lost doing their own things and worrying about their own things.
Alan:To really identify with another individual and specifically to identify with another man, in this case a heterosexual man, that's with a, a woman, and I think that it's very nice to see that she's kind of understanding that that it's. It's not not that easy being a guy and not that easy being a guy who's who's working and have never really appreciated.
Harley:Well, I think this is her, her beginning to realize beginning Exactly, or else it wouldn't it wouldn't have been a question she's asking. But, yeah, um, speaking of that, I kind of want to do a circle back to the actual post, rather than the huge topic of men's emotional and psychological needs. Perfectly valid and a reasonable subject to talk about, but we're trying to stick to the topic, and the top comment is by ButtChuggle.
Alan:Interesting.
Harley:And it pertains significantly to what we were just saying, and the original poster did comment, reply to it and it's uh, congratulations, you're the first person since his mother, and maybe not even her to say that to him or anything near it. Yeah, exactly and the second, or the response to that before the OP, was on top of the, by Expensive Peak 1604. On top of this, he believed you. Which is a huge component to this and that's something I wanted to mention as well is that he clearly trusts her and believes her.
Alan:Yeah.
Harley:And that's a huge component for having it be such a big impact for him. Because he actually believes you, so you've been such a good and safe and loving partner that he feels he can fully trust you and believe you in saying something that even he in and of himself probably doesn't believe of himself, right? He probably doesn't genuinely feel like he's worthy because he can't offer those things. Clearly, he was working on, he was trying to work on being able to do that, and then he probably would have felt more worthy sure but the fact that he was he is able to believe you over his own self-doubt is fantastic.
Harley:I mean, it's awesome.
Alan:It sounds like a beautiful relationship it does. Coming back.
Harley:Inspiring, yes so major props to her. Yes, major props To OK Parfait, OK Parfait. Anyway, she responded to that and it says that really touches my heart.
Alan:I didn't to that and it says, Wow, I really like that one.
Harley:That's a really good story to end on Harley. It's triggering, but it's in a more positive way.
Alan:It's triggering, but at the end of the day it circles back to that. They have a beautiful relationship and I really hope that they continue to keep it going together, you know, because it sounds like she's a very empathetic person with a great emotional intelligence. More than anything, yeah. To realize that you should, once in a while, just appreciate your partner in general, absolutely Just appreciate your partner in general and let them know that they're appreciated, general, and let them know that they're appreciated, and especially as a man.
Alan:That's something that I think we don't get at all right and sometimes we don't even get that from our partners, like the commenter was saying oh yeah and I think that's something that needs to be addressed and something that, moving forward, I think a lot more people need to do is is appreciate your, your person, appreciate your person be aware of the struggles that they're sometimes even subconsciously dealing with.
Harley:I mean, it's just being a good partner to be on the lookout for bettering your partner's life at least that's in my view, that's that's a major component to a happy, healthy relationship is to always looking for what's best for your partner. Yep, you should view them very much, very similarly to you do yourself. You want what's best for yourself, you want what's best for your partner.
Alan:An extension of yourself. Exactly, yes, take away yeah, just uh more appreciation for your fellow man and self-worth shouldn't be transactional. Yeah, it shouldn't be what you can or cannot provide. It should be you have this person's back, they have have your back, and that's what really matters at the end of the day. That's what really matters.
Harley:Yeah.
Alan:And I think we'll go ahead and end the episode there, Harley.
Harley:Yeah, it's already gotten a little long, with some very deep subjects we've been going over.
Alan:The length of this segment is triggering and I will just end it at something that's not triggering. Go ahead and remember to like and subscribe. We sincerely appreciate you and we want to appreciate everybody listening. Show our appreciation for you guys. You may or may not hear it, but you're hearing it from us right now. Thank you, and go ahead and comment if you like it and we'll catch you in the next one.
Harley:go out there and be good humans and keep your gloves up. Catch you next time.
