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Peak Points
Did she just stick her finger in my baby's mouth?!
Moral dilemmas lurk in everyday interactions—a fact brilliantly illustrated in this deep dive into Reddit's infamous "Am I The Asshole" community. Join us as we navigate through six compelling judgment calls that pit good intentions against questionable actions.
What happens when a well-meaning roommate tries to help with moving preparations by packing another's belongings? We examine the delicate dance of shared living spaces and personal boundaries. Next, we tackle professional obligations versus family expectations when a photographer refuses to work at her sister's wedding, sparking heated family discord.
The conversation takes a serious turn as we discuss a young employee falsely accused of inappropriate workplace behavior, highlighting the devastating power of accusations and the importance of evidence. Religious practices and mental health collide when a Jewish mezuzah installation creates conflict with a roommate claiming OCD triggers, raising questions about reasonable accommodation and respect for diverse needs.
Also, how can a grown man forget to pack essential items for a big trip leading to a discussion on being present for your family in daily life and our understanding for the wife feeling helpless.
Most shockingly, we explore a parent's horrifying encounter with a stranger who physically inserted fingers into their baby's mouth against explicit objections. This violation of boundaries leads to a broader discussion of consent and protecting vulnerable family members.
Throughout these stories, we uncover the common threads of communication failures, boundary violations, and the complex interplay between intentions and impacts. Whether you're navigating roommate dynamics, family obligations, or interactions with strangers, these real-life scenarios offer valuable insights into handling moral complexities.
What's your take? Would you have made different judgment calls? Subscribe, share your thoughts, and join our community of critical thinkers examining the ethical puzzles that define our daily lives.
Welcome, dear listeners to this episode of Peak Points. Today we are going to focus solely on Reddit, specifically from the subreddit Am I the Asshole, and hopefully it will be quite entertaining and we'll see if maybe your takes are similar to ours. Alan, do you have anything to contribute?
Alan:Let's get to these assholes.
Harley:Oh gosh.
Alan:No, I didn't mean it like that. No, I meant it it like am I the asshole? Well, in this case I'm the asshole now. But anyway, my first story of am I the asshole is from that subreddit am I the asshole? By old Old Goat Fart. Oh boy. Am I the Asshole for packing my roommate's stuff when she's supposed to be moving out in three days?
Harley:Oh boy this could be sticky.
Alan:I was cleaning the living room and kitchen and I put some of her non-essential stuff in two boxes Winter boots, any blender she doesn't use a bag of soil for her plants, etc. I left the boxes open in the living room so she could see what was in them and add stuff if she wanted to. I was cleaning and trying to make space because my girlfriend would be moving in tomorrow so it would be cramped for about two or three days. I also wanted to help my roommate because she has lots of stuff and hasn't even started packing yet. In parentheses, which, I admit, kind of stresses me out. Understandably. Well, roommate hasn't said anything, but she put everything I packed back to its original place, even if she doesn't use it, including the box with her winter boots and fall boots. We're almost in July. I found this very odd and I asked her about it. She said she didn't like me touching and moving her stuff, which, granted, I understand completely. But I was actually trying to help because she's moving in three days and hasn't even started packing yet. Oh boy.
Harley:Well, there's a couple context things that I wish I could know about this, first being in these next three days, does your roommate have any days off? Are those days going to be specifically dedicated to packing? This isn't referenced and it would be really good to know, because if she has set aside days for packing, then I understand, especially if you have an aversion to having your things moved and touched, which it kind of sounds like she does.
Harley:Yeah, of course, but really a big part of this is communication of course, like yeah, I understand wanting to be helpful, right, but you can also be like hey, I'm looking to make this a little bit of space, or I'm already cleaning this area you cool if I throw this in a box, or do you have a place you would like me to set this, since I'm cleaning the area already. You know if, if someone has an aversion to being helped or pushed in a certain way or whatever, I understand that there are ways to work around that, like I was saying, you know, hey, I'm already cleaning this.
Alan:Do you have?
Harley:somewhere I can set this, Would it be helpful? Blah, blah, blah blah blah. I'm not saying that you should have to, but I am saying that an aspect of effective communicating is knowing the person you're communicating with, of course, because everyone communicates a little differently, yeah, and everyone has their own hang-ups, and if you roomated with someone, I would think you probably would have at least a minor inkling of what their hangups might be in this situation. I would say sometimes I mean it's possible?
Alan:not, it's definitely possible not.
Harley:But I mean damn people.
Alan:Communication and before we give our verdict whether this person is an a-hole or not, one of the comments is pretty interesting and give their take Seekers Choice. Commented saying Not the asshole. Is she really planning on leaving OP comments after that? An old goat fart says that's exactly what I'm wondering. Our rent is super cheap, close to her job, and I've been cleaning the whole place by myself for the whole two years we've been living together.
Harley:Oh, Jesus Christ.
Alan:Another commenter says you're the asshole that was aggressive For the next three days. That's still her place. You don't get to control how or when she packs. You're acting like she should be gone already. Maybe you aren't all good roommates, but if you were, then that was mean. You're telegraphing that you want her out already.
Harley:Nah, nah, that's just confrontational right there. That's that's. You live life in a confrontational mindset. If that's your take, it's if someone was, if I was moving out in three days and someone set something in an obvious, easy to access place, boxes weren't sealed and it was just there, ready for me to grab. It's asinine to take the things out of the box and put them back where they were, like it's three days. Good God, it's being helpful.
Alan:They're in a box already and it seems like the sense of urgency is in the wrong place. I mean, if you have three days to leave.
Harley:You know I'm neither here nor there. With the urgency part, I understand it from both aspects when you're the one staying and you have someone moving in early, earlier than they're moving out I totally understand that anxiety. On the flip side, I totally understand being too busy or overwhelmed or combination thereof, or even maybe something else, in that you haven't been able to get to packing and, but if you haven't been able to get to packing, then why are you taking the time to unpack something that's not even fully packed?
Alan:what the hell I mean. Moving sucks and having roommates suck look, I understand.
Harley:I understand being upset if someone grabbed your stuff. Absolutely and just randomly piled it in a corner. Right, that's not what freaking happened. It was boxed up and it was respectfully done. You didn't just throw everything in one box willy-nilly and then tape it shut. You put it in a box that was open and easy to access. In separate boxes it sounded like definitely not the asshole not in this case I understand that it could be considered asshole-ish in some circumstances, but realistically and yes, realistically speaking some communication definitely should have happened, right.
Harley:From the beginning, but that's just being helpful, yeah, and in an unobtrusive way, right. I know a lot of people who couldn't handle this, it being that close to the deadline and doing way worse, way worse. I've heard horror stories of similar you know Like people just being like, oh you're going out, I'm just going to throw everything I can find that's loose in one bag and setting it here, right in the middle of the way or something I would say it's an interesting scenario, for sure.
Alan:It is I believe his intentions were for, not the asshole.
Harley:Definitely.
Alan:But I do think he became the asshole when he touched some things that were not his. I mean, I mean this is not like a child playground where it's toys. You know it's people's personal effects.
Harley:Here's the thing, though, if you're in a roommate situation. Toys, you know it's people's personal effects. Here's the thing, though, if you're in a roommate situation and you leave your stuff in a communal area. You can't be upset if something gets touched.
Alan:Unless you communicate right.
Harley:Unless it's communicated that it's a no-touchy thing. I mean, there's so many what-ifs, you know yes yes, like I said, there's a lot of context here that really could use to be filled in Right. But, realistically speaking, take a step back from your own insecurities, your own upsetness for whatever happened Moving a blender that you don't use or whatever it was blender Moving a blender that you don't use, or whatever it was blender Moving shoes that are out of season that I very much doubt.
Harley:he went into her room and pulled them out. I'm guessing these were like in a closet next to the door or something.
Alan:That's the part that I didn't really speculate, but like he's, just an interesting scenario.
Harley:I'm going to assume that in the context of the original post, he wasn't cleaning in her room.
Alan:I'm assuming he was cleaning in the communal areas of the house, kitchen and living room and stuff like that. I don't know.
Harley:In my mind that's the only thing that's reasonable, but to me it's kind of like an interesting scenario.
Alan:Of like an interesting scenario. What if it was vice versa? You know how he, this person, would have reacted to their stuff getting boxed up? Maybe they would have liked it, maybe they would have been like, oh hey, thanks. But I think in this context they're both assholes uh, both roommates in this case, one for, like I said, touching things that are not his and the other for not communicating. So I think they're both assholes in this scenario. So in this case, the comments and the verdict was actually asshole for this post.
Alan:I guess, I mean, I can see a lot of people not liking their stuff being touched.
Harley:I can understand that. I can also understand that a lot of people have had really terrible roommates. Yeah. But on the flip side, if you're the roommate, that's the only one who's been doing cleaning for two years. I'm sorry, the person who doesn't clean has nothing at all to say to you. That's the only one who's been doing cleaning for two years. Yes, I'm sorry, the person who doesn't clean has nothing at all to say to you for cleaning up their mess in the communal area.
Alan:Yeah, that part I do agree with.
Harley:No, this is just absolutely and utterly unreasonable to be upset with that.
Alan:However, I will add on the sidebarbar the main thing to take away is communication oh yeah for sure, because if you're cleaning for someone for two years and you're not communicating that, unless that was like part of the initial agreement.
Harley:Like you, you pay less in rent because you're going to do all the cleaning that's the only time something like that's even remotely acceptable.
Alan:And who knows, yeah, and who knows about their dynamic and all that. But communication is key. Yeah, communication is key, guys, wow.
Harley:Yeah.
Alan:Talk about a good way to start, huh.
Harley:Yeah, so if you're done with contextual replies, Done with this asshole. All right On to the next. This is by the Rusty Bicycle. Am I the asshole for refusing to be the photographer at my sister's wedding? Oof.
Harley:I am a professional photographer and previously my sister asked me to photograph her engagement shots. Of course, it's a privilege to photograph these special moments for my sister and future brother-in-law. However, she's now asked me to be the photographer at her upcoming wedding. Once again, it's an honor to be asked, but I declined and said I'd rather attend as a guest and actually enjoy the day instead of viewing it all through a camera. She didn't take that too well and has caused a massive drama over it. I've had friends and family texting me asking me why I won't do it and my parents insisting I should because it's not about me. I felt it was a perfectly reasonable decision to decline, but after so many people disagreeing with me, I'm not so sure anymore. That was the end of the actual post. Before the verdict let's see what they say.
Harley:I know what I'm thinking. Go ahead and chip in your two cents.
Alan:I'm not going to give my verdict, but I will add it's the bride's sister, right?
Harley:Yes, it's the bride's sister, not a sister-in-law or nothing like that. It's the bride's sister.
Alan:They always say this is the bride's day yes, this is her day.
Alan:It's an interesting scenario, I add, and I know that she also wants to enjoy her time, but I think that maybe she should try to consider at least put it on the table helping her sister out, which is literally her biological sister. Come on now. Yeah, I mean, I I would like if my sibling were to help me, and maybe they wouldn't mind, you know, on a normal circumstance. But being a professional photographer, you would think like, like hey, I do this every day. Maybe I don't want to do this on my day off, you know. Yeah.
Alan:But this isn't a stranger, this isn't a customer. This is someone who's very near and dear to them, mm-hmm, and I think that is something that she should consider. Was, you know, helping her out, doing this favor for her, you know? Yeah, who knows? Maybe for her wedding she'll do a favor for her.
Harley:Who for her wedding. She'll do a favor for her. Who knows? It's possible. So there's a. One of the top comments is fairly pertinent in my view and also is replied by OP. Oh nice, so by Phil VV, not the asshole. Your reasoning for declining is perfectly reasonable. You should have you why. Why should you have to work at the wedding while everyone else in your family is having fun? You're going to be stressed out and trying to wrangle a bunch of people you know into getting the photos done, who will likely not be taking you as seriously as they would. A stranger because your family, I'm gonna bet that she didn't budget for a photographer because she assumed you would be doing it, and now that you're declined, she will either have to hire someone cheap or cut back somewhere else to afford one. With that in mind, is there any way you could make this a gift for the wedding and hire someone you know, maybe at a discounted rate?
Harley:just putting it out there as a suggestion, not saying it's something you must do, and op replied. The same thought crossed my mind, although she did insist on paying me for the previous photography. It was only a fraction of my normal rate. When she comes around and stops being so unreasonable, I plan to send her in the direction of a friend I often collaborate with for larger weddings. Since her wedding doesn't have too many guests, it will only need one photographer. Oh, wow.
Harley:And just to follow up with that, very in line with what I would say by username 52, a fraction of your normal rate is presumably also a fraction of the rate she would have to pay anyone else, and this is why she gets to act like she has the higher ground of. It's. Not about the money I'm paying her, I mean that's kind of my take on, it is I do understand.
Harley:I understand from both sides. Like you have, you have friends and family who are, who do services like that. Your first inclination is to go to them yes unfortunately, a great number of people also want that steep discount. They want their friends and family discount. You know, of course, for those situations and in my view, things like that should never be expected sure it should, you should be happy to accept it. If they do offer it, sure, sure, but you shouldn't be expecting it, right? Because that's dirty in my book. Sure.
Harley:That's expecting too much and, honestly, being a wedding photographer is exhausting.
Alan:I'm sure.
Harley:Also, when you're the photographer, you you're not included in any of the photos. So great sure sure she does say she does do this for her sister. She doesn't get to be there for the family photos, she doesn't get to be part of the wedding and in my experience most sisters would much rather be a maid of honor, if not the maid of honor. Right, great point, or bridesmaid, be a bridesmaid if not the maid of honor yeah. Than to have to work for the whole wedding Work for the wedding?
Alan:yeah, absolutely.
Harley:And in that sense I totally understand and label it in my own mind as not the asshole. Totally understand and label it in my own mind as not the asshole, because expecting someone to work for you for free and or cheap, it's just disrespectful in my book. Because I I take into, I personally take into account the effort and time and energy that goes into things and right, I can't I. I would hate to be in a situation of feeling obligated to do something and completely miss out on the joy of the occasion simply because of that absolutely.
Alan:Yeah, um, I, given the context and everything, I, given the context and everything, I mean I do kind of agree that she's not entirely the asshole for refusing, but I think still kind of an asshole, not for refusing entirely, but for not outright recommending someone that she knows you know another professional or another colleague you know outright Instead of just refusing. Knows you know another professional or another colleague you know outright instead of just refusing you know. But it's different, it's in the moment, obviously, in the moment she was like you know, no, I'm not doing that, I want to be part of it, right, and I think you know we all, hindsight is 2020 and what she could have said was like no, I don't think I can do it, I want to be, like you said, part of the pictures, part of the bridal party, but I do know this person who obviously in the comment OP commented, said once she calms down I'll tell her about this.
Harley:Yeah, and.
Alan:I think that's kind of an asshole move.
Harley:I could see that. Let me present this option Given in the original post. It said she didn't take that too well and caused massive drama, right, so I'm betting there wasn't really any good opportunity to recommend anyone.
Alan:Possibly, very possible.
Harley:Because if you're going to go around after the fact and start trying to cause drama with friends and family over it, right, you were fully expecting that. Mm-hmm, I can see that, and effectively demanding it. That's not a request. Right If you're going to cause drama. You weren't requesting.
Alan:You were demanding, you were expecting. Yeah.
Harley:And that's not okay of anyone. I agree with that point, for sure, and so if someone's going to be acting that unreasonably, I can fully imagine tears, yelling, screaming, just mindless babbling. What have you in the moment?
Alan:Sure.
Harley:This isn't to say you couldn't send her a message saying look, this person can do this. Right. Or may be able to do this, because again't know her her um occasional colleagues schedule or her rate or the rate or presumably, or their rate. Well, she probably knows some of their rate because they collaborate. But yeah, I mean there's just, there's a lot of little details you don't know ahead of time. Yes, especially if and I'm assuming she wasn't prepared beforehand. I'm assuming this just came out in a random conversation got sprung on her yeah, and I totally understand that uh.
Harley:So while I can see it being uh considered assholish not to present an alternative, it it's also not her responsibility to present an alternative.
Alan:Sure, but it is her sister, it's not some random person.
Harley:I do totally agree. It would be the considerate and kind thing to do yes. But it doesn't make you an asshole for not doing it in the moment, especially if the other person's freaking out over your refusal.
Alan:No, I concur with that. Verdict for me is not the asshole, just kind of smells like one.
Harley:A little stinky.
Alan:A little stinky.
Harley:But not quite there yet.
Alan:Yeah like a little bit more, and then you'll get in there and I have a pretty interesting story and it's going to be interesting to hear your take on this one Okay. It's by Shadow016. Am I the asshole for refusing to let someone check my phone after a co-worker accused me of taking pictures of her?
Harley:Check my phone after a coworker accused me of taking pictures of her. Oh Lord, there's so many contexts for this.
Alan:Oh boy, I hope there's a lot of info Throwaway account. So this happened at work. I, 18 male, was on my stuff normally scrolling through my phone and watching YouTube videos, when a coworker 17 female suddenly accused me of taking pictures of her. That caught me completely off guard. I told her I hadn't taken any photos and that I was just watching videos on YouTube. But she didn't believe me and started getting louder and kind of annoying, drawing attention from nearby coworkers. She said that if I had nothing to hide, I should just show her my photos. Luckily the manager was nearby and came over.
Alan:Because of the commotion, we both explained our sides. The manager said that if I wasn't hiding anything, I could just show the last two pictures on my phone to clear it up quickly. But the thing is that I had a lot to hide, that I didn't want to show nothing illegal, creepy or weird and definitely nothing involving her, but still private stuff that I didn't want anyone else seeing. So I refused. I told the manager I was willing to prove my innocence in other ways but didn't want to compromise my privacy.
Alan:As a good faith gesture, I showed my phone's battery usage stats which clearly showed it hadn't used the camera app recently at all. I also suggested to check the security footage and, reviewing the footage it showed, my phone was pointed at the ground the entire time and the angle wouldn't even have allowed for me to take a picture of her, so I was cleared Even so. A few of my co-workers later told me I should have just shown the photos, because she had the right to know if she was being harassed. I told them that the evidence proved my innocence and there was absolutely no need to show anything, especially not to her, someone who I've never trusted. So am I the asshole?
Harley:with the context? No, no, not even I don't think so either. Now I personally probably would have just gone ahead and shown the photos, unless they were nudes, then I probably wouldn't.
Alan:What if they were? Which they?
Harley:very well could have been. They're being very cagey about what they actually were, but and I also understand that in some instances, like in a work instance, you really wouldn't want to show your manager or your co-worker a shitty off-color meme that you happened to download because you wanted to share it with a specific friend, for whatever reason. So in that case, I totally understand not wanting to show it and yes, but I will say the co-workers are correct, it would have been faster just to show right.
Harley:however, they were intelligent enough to show the use of the battery use from the battery usage get the camera footage clearly, clearly the camera wasn't being used, and then also having security cameras to back you up and look ah my camera wasn't even pointed at her how could I have taken pictures right? Co-worker, clearly an asshole, clearly a troublemaker just wanting to start stuff, stuff, and the the op's uh instincts were totally correct to not trust her. So, yeah, I mean, could it have been resolved easier, faster?
Alan:what have you?
Harley:it could have absolutely but he was well within his rights to say no. Mm-hmm. And then even to present clear-cut evidence that he didn't. I mean very fortunate, there was a security camera pointing right there Right, very lucky yes. You do not want to get caught up with accusations from a minor.
Alan:No.
Harley:Holy shit. That's crazy, that's terrifying.
Alan:That's scary.
Harley:But yeah, I mean mean and who's to say horrifying that he has to deal with that with a co-worker?
Alan:absolutely, and they're both very young in this story, and that's not to say that. What if he did show the photos and there was nothing on it and the other person's like oh well, you deleted them, yeah, and then? You have to, and then you have to go to the yes, and then you still have to deleted them, yeah, and then you have to do this and this yes.
Harley:And then you still have to go to the security camera and you still have to go through this whole thing.
Alan:Obviously, this is a wow very unfortunate scenario. Mm-hmm. And I hope that this is not traumatizing for OP, but this is pretty damn traumatizing in my, in my, in my mind I mean, you could, you could definitely label it as traumatic.
Harley:I would personally label, label it and shock it up to a learning experience absolutely to be extra careful, extra careful and you know, and honestly that is a good I probably in the moment wouldn't have thought to pull up my battery usage. Right. And be like look. Yeah. It clearly shows this isn't something I can tamper with, this isn't something I can edit. It clearly shows that wasn't being used at all. I mean, that's a really smart response.
Alan:Absolutely, and so props to OP for that. Okay, verdict for me, not the asshole, and verdict for the people, not the a-hole. Yeah, yep.
Harley:Yeah, definitely not. But I'm sorry People who just groundlessly accuse people of things just because they want to start trouble Right. I wish there was a societal norm that they were ostracized and put through the ringer for being garbage human beings, because that's what they are. They're straight garbage human beings. If you're doing that, you're trying to ruin someone's life, that's f***ed.
Alan:Yeah, that's awful. You are the asshole if you do that.
Harley:Sorry to use that language, but I get very upset with stuff like that. False accusations.
Alan:It's horrible.
Harley:Just to hurt or bother someone is just terrible. It's incredibly vindictive.
Alan:Absolutely.
Harley:And just so mean-hearted and just so mean-hearted. And whether you're doing it maliciously or not, with malicious intent or not, a lot of people I mean, if you're making up a story, I don't know how it can not be malicious.
Alan:Well, I mean, who knows if this person actually did think that they were getting pictures taken of?
Harley:You know who knows? I suppose it's technically possible. If they're like look, you know who knows, I suppose it's technically possible if they're, if they're like, look back and who knows?
Alan:the point is a lot of people suffer from main character syndrome yeah, it's true where they think the world revolves around them and, like you said, even making false accusations, you know, those people feel like that's going to be advantageous for them, and so I think, yeah, a lot of people need to be a lot more introspective, especially people who think that they're the main character yeah, I can agree with that.
Harley:So this one, a bit of a nuanced one by RemoteJello967. Am I the asshole for telling my OCD roommate to get over it? I am Jewish, my roommate is not. I asked her if it was okay with her if I put a mezuzah I'm assuming that's how you pronounce it. Sorry if I butchered it. I put a mezuzah, I'm assuming that's how you pronounce it. Sorry if I butchered it. I put a mezuzah by our front door.
Harley:For those who don't know, this is a small rectangular case that is fixed to the wall or door frame that holds a scroll. We are supposed to have it by our front door. She said it was fine. I ordered one and put it up. The mezuzah is supposed to tilt a little towards the door and not be straight up and down. I hung it the correct way and she got angry, saying she needed it to be straight. I informed her that it isn't traditionally hung that way. I did straighten it a little but kept a slight tilt. She was still angry about it, like screaming angry. I reminded her that I endure the absolute explosion of Christmas decorations every year and never complain.
Harley:This was just a little piece of metal. She said this was different, since it set off her OCD. I said I would just take it down then. So I took it down and there were holes in the wall where I had screwed it into the wall. I paid for maintenance to fill them, but the fill he used is a slightly different shade than the rest of the wall. Apparently this also sets off her OCD and she is angry with me now. I was just so done with the whole situation and said she really just needs to get over it. She said I was the asshole for saying that, since she has OCD, is she right? Damn, I have big feelings about this. What are yours?
Alan:What I'm feeling right now is I definitely don't want a freaking roommate. Oh man, Roommates.
Harley:There are a lot of roommate horror stories.
Alan:Roommates from hell tune in for another episode of that. It's just very unfortunate when you have to live with someone who's interesting, I'll just put it that way. I mean especially if you're a roommate with someone. It's not like you just kick them out, you know they're paying rent it's a dynamic that seems dreadful, frankly there's a high likelihood for it. Yeah, um, I'll give my verdict right off the bat. I don't think this gentleman is the asshole or this person is the a-hole.
Alan:There's no clarification of gender, I guess it doesn't truly matter, but I think this person is not the a-hole I think they're. I mean, they took down the Masuza. Yeah. They took that down, they tried getting the holes filled and this person is still, you know, yelling at somebody. I'm sorry, but if you're not my parent, like, why are you yelling at me? You? Know, like that's, that's complete, not asshole behavior, but like awful person, then you shouldn't be roommates with anybody if you're like that, and so verdict for me is not the a-hole.
Harley:Right.
Alan:And I hope this person gets a new roommate.
Harley:Okay, that's a pretty decent take for sure. Before I dig into this, I'm going to read a couple comments because they are extremely pertinent in this situation. In response to another comment that says that's not OCD, that's being an asshole. Another comment that says that's not OCD, that's being an asshole. This is by a series of random letters. I do have compulsive behaviors, but not the disorder part. When I was younger and visited a Jewish friend, it bothered me that there was an uneven box at her front door and I asked what it was and why it was tilted. She explained what a mezuzah is and what it's for and why it's tilted towards the door. There are several differing opinions on which way it should be, resulting in a halfway option, stability of it being affixed to the wall, something she said about god and the torah being represented or invited, or something of that ilk a, a religious reason.
Harley:Yeah, that was all in parentheses, and since it was done properly, it was immediately fine in my brain. It followed the rules. I still didn't particularly enjoy it being tilted, but there was a why behind it and that meant it was how it should be Tilted. Photos or paintings aren't following the rules. They are meant to be straight. We hang them that way, so the issue only arises when they are outside of their scope for being. Your roommate is not, is just being an asshole, not the asshole, and that in big, in a big way, follows what my view of it was. Ocd is a compulsive disorder, yes, however, and yes, it is technically possible that some forms of OCD are going to be slightly out of the norm.
Harley:More aggressive and doesn't matter if it's supposed to be this way or not.
Alan:It's so bothersome.
Harley:Yes, yes, that is a potential. However, the main driver behind OCD, just like that last commenter said, is that there's ways certain things are supposed to be, and if that is how that thing is supposed to be, it's following the rules. Sure.
Harley:And it's done correctly and it shouldn't be a huge issue even to an OCD person, because it's like they said, when things are outside of the rules, they're not in their scope. That's what bothers them. Yes, it's very deep. Very few ocd people have the variety, if you will, that they can't even look at like a blade of grass because it tapers and it's not perfectly straight. That's that's exceedingly rare and usually you're, you might be hospitalized for that level.
Harley:Honestly, because, nothing is that perfect right. If your ocd is that strong, you're on medication or you're institutionalized.
Alan:Realistically speaking, and maybe those are things that the roommate can seek.
Harley:They might need it. They might.
Alan:Mental help. You know, talk to maybe a therapist about why you felt so strongly about that Mm-hmm and mainly just to try to, you know, contain that anger, mm-hmm and from especially yelling, like I. I said, yelling at an adult person is insane yeah, screaming at people over.
Alan:Something like that is not okay, not okay doesn't matter what the driving force behind it is and I think that's something that that roommate does have to at one point understand, like hey, that wasn't a great reaction and uh, you know, maybe that's something that the room you know this, maybe that's something op should also bring up. Like, hey, you know, you, you kind of snapped at me, but again, this ties into communication and a lot of people have a hard time with that very true.
Harley:Um, to kind of continue to corroborate this, a crab walk blurfing says she's the asshole. I am diagnosed with almost extreme ocd and I would never scream at a roommate or anyone for my problems. It would be quite difficult to endure something that triggered my OCD, but I would endure it for something like that. It's not on you to make her life as easy as possible, right? She kind of sounds like a brat.
Alan:And that very well may be the case. You know I don't want to undermine anybody's mental issue or mental disorder. You know I don't want to undermine anybody's mental issue or mental disorder. However, you definitely need to seek help if you can't control yourself to not yell at somebody and can't control your emotions. It's just that there's something that needs to be done, absolutely.
Harley:That's the case. And here's another OCD commenter by Sunlight dog hair. Hi, I have OCD. It gets worse when other people accommodate you like this. This is often something you get told in therapy. If she's not in therapy, she's just raw dogging OCD and asking those around her to accommodate her worsening symptoms. You shouldn't even be helping her, not the asshole.
Alan:Verdict, not the asshole Strong verdict.
Harley:I mean OCD. People who actually deal with things like this are saying no, so one of my big feelings in this situation is and it's kind of indicative of many other things it branches into a lot of things, but uh, hiding behind your diagnosis and trying to force everyone around you and everything to fit within your comfort zone is.
Harley:It goes against getting better, improvement, it goes against improvement and it's also completely unreasonable when you are the outlier. Yes, it sucks, but not everyone can accommodate you and that is okay. This isn't sorry. This is branching beyond just OCD, but like I've come across so many stories, videos, personal encounters where people sometimes they were self-diagnosed, sometimes they are truly diagnosed with various mental disorders or however you want to refer to those different issues of the head, if you will, to refer to those different issues of the head, if you will, and so many people they get that diagnosis and then they don't do a damn thing about it Right and it just makes them more and more miserable because they keep trying to hide behind it.
Harley:But it doesn't solve anything to hide behind it.
Alan:Exactly.
Harley:And it's. It's really sad. It's also incredibly annoying to have to deal with. You know, when you're out in public and you can't handle something, that's on you. That's not everyone else's problem, that's on you. It's your decision to be there. You can leave or you can grit your teeth and bear it, but that doesn't give you the right to start causing a scene and trying to derail everything around you just because something is upsetting yeah, and you brought up a very interesting point in one of our past episodes.
Alan:It was very poignant and I'm gonna use it in this context, as running away from your problems doesn't ever solve the problem absolutely and it. I also wanted to touch a little bit, before we move on, about self-diagnosis, self-diagnosis and how I'm not gonna say, uh, you know a huge population but a lot of people that I've talked to that have quote-unquote mental illness, they are self-diagnosed.
Harley:It's incredibly common in today's social media age.
Alan:It's incredibly common nowadays. I don't know if it's a generational thing. I don't know if it's a new age thing. I don't know if it's a technology thing. I don't know if it's a new age thing. I don't know if it's a technology thing.
Alan:I don't know if it's a social media thing, but it's like, oh, a lot of people seem to have, oh, I have this ocd, or I have this mental illness, or I can't do that because of xyz, xyz, anxiety, this and that. However, everybody self-diagnoses and, uh, it could be an issue if you self-medicate too.
Alan:And I just want to say don't self-diagnose, let's get to the root of the problem. Let's find out what the actual issue is. And I've even seen where someone has self-diagnosed that they have this and they get the real diagnosis they never had, that they in fact are bipolar or have multiple personality disorder or something like that. You know that is, that's also possible, yeah, so I just want to my point.
Harley:I just want to swing it around and say seek that mental help and get some legitimate diagnosis now, to be fair, we don't know if this is self-diagnosed, right, we don't know if this is self-diagnosed.
Alan:Right, we don't know, or if it's truly diagnosed. Absolutely, however. That should be communicated, though, too.
Harley:It should, but that could just be an extraneous detail that they don't know or they just forgot to add.
Alan:And I think this circles back to the communication problem with roommates, Like let me know if you want to live with somebody. Like, let me know if you want to live with somebody. Let us know. If you have a mental problem, let us know what your issues are. Let us know. If you have accommodations that you need, let us know. Yeah, and don't just raw dog OCD. Yeah, yeah.
Harley:Very true. I do have one other thing to add in that, that item, the mezuzah. I hope I'm not butchering that. I apologize to any of our listeners who do know if I sincerely yeah if it's something that's culturally, religiously or some other reason important for them to have and what they're doing is correct for that item. I'm sorry, but unless it's obscene, you don't really have a leg to stand on about being upset about it Absolutely Abso-freaking-lutely, you just don't really have a leg to stand on about being upset about it, absolutely Abso-freaking-lutely.
Harley:You just don't.
Alan:Yeah, and. I mean.
Harley:I'm just. I wanted to add that. You know, I added the obscene thing because some people purposely misconstrue or you try to use these sort of societal norms in a twisted way where they'll just decide that oh, I'm going to create my own little cult about with a dismembered body with intestines piled on top, and now that's my, that's my religious effigy, and you have to accommodate that. No, you are being obscene for the purpose of being obscene. That is not okay. But for established religions that are not trying to be gross, they're not trying to be offensive, again, everything is within reason. Yeah, things like that need to be accommodated. They just do. I mean in a enlightened society and a mixed society, like, well, most of the world is realistically speaking, but primarily in america, which is a huge, huge portion of the Reddit base.
Alan:Right.
Harley:And I didn't detect any cultural terminology that would indicate that they're from the UK or something. Sure, so I'm just going to assume they're from America, which is a huge melting pot, right? So in these situations you really do need to be accommodating of those sort of cultural and religious icons, especially if they're being tolerant of your Christmas decorations.
Alan:That is an amazing point. Verdict not the asshole.
Harley:Not the asshole.
Alan:And I got a very, very interesting one. This one, just reading the title upset me. Oh no. And this was posted nine days ago. All right. And this is by the Gay Rat Child.
Harley:Oh, that's a name right there, that's a name.
Speaker 3:right there Am I the asshole for grabbing an old woman's arm after she stuck her finger in my baby's mouth.
Harley:Oh boy, oh boy.
Alan:If there's not a really good reason for that not the asshole already, holy moly Well, let's get into this so I have a three-month-old son and we were in public and an old lady came up and started putting her hand all over his face. I politely said please don't touch him, he's high risk. To which he said he's fine, he needs germs, and started putting her fingers in his mouth in all caps. I grabbed her arm gently to push her off in in parentheses I have extreme social anxiety, so even that was a lot for me and I please don't touch him, don't do that, please. He's high risk. She proceeds to remove her hand and whack me across the back of the head with full force, calls me a stupid, effing bitch and walks off. My older relative said that I really shouldn't think too much into it and she probably meant no harm. My husband, however, disagrees. I've been feeling so embarrassed since it happened. I don't know what to do. Am I the asshole?
Harley:Oh boy, yeah. Yeah, there's a little bit to unpack here, for sure.
Alan:I'll start off with some of these comments. Coffee4redhead says If there was cameras around, I would have charged with assault immediately. Workingcloud agrees with them. Says 100%, I don't care how old she is, I would have called the police. Effabelieva says Not the asshole, you're a better person than me. I probably would have hit that old lady old or not, don't touch my kid. That's clear as day. How disrespectful and to be a complete stranger. That lady is insane yeah it's insane, uh, but op does comment okay the gay rat child says hi, everyone.
Alan:Just wanted to do a quick follow-up, as many people are commenting the same thing. I'm going to get in contact with the store that's nearby to see if there's any CCTV cameras there. I'm still very much in shock and I've not had time to actually take the next steps. If they do have footage, I will take it to the police and I will press charges. Thank you so much. They also comment Okay, okay. I think this is all I can bear to read with these comments.
Alan:This is very upsetting man, yeah it is intensely upsetting how a complete stranger has the gall to touch another person's child, to touch another person's precious being sticking, and then To touch another person's child, to touch another person's precious being, mm-hmm.
Harley:Sticking, and then sticking your finger inside their mouth.
Harley:I'll let you go. Okay, now, not in defense of the old lady. However, what she said about the child needing germs is true. Okay, it's true. It's been shown by many different studies that kids need to be exposed to many, many different kinds of germs to build their immune system for later in life. Now I don't know how at risk this child truly was, but having heard that, she definitely should have backed off, regardless of her beliefs. You don't know just how at risk someone's child is, or anyone is, just because they say they're at risk. That doesn't To put this clearly when someone says they're at risk, you need to respect that. Just because your beliefs might say, then that means you need to be exposed to more. That doesn't give you the right to force that on someone. That gives you the right to have polite and reasonable discourse with them verbal discourse, but not to force yourself into their safe zone, not to put your fingers in another person's body. Wow, nothing of the sort. Mm-hmm.
Harley:And regardless of any real wisdom behind the words that she said. Sure, her actions were clearly asshole. Yes.
Harley:They crossed the line. Oh yeah, asshole yes, they crossed the line. Oh yeah, if you truly believe that and you wanted and you were trying to convince someone, then you need to do that verbally. You can't just go forcing your finger in other people's bodies like what the hell? I can't believe that it's, it's, it's utterly ridiculous especially because yes even if the parent was fully on board with that mindset that they need to be exposed to germs, they still don't know where the your hands just were.
Alan:And who are you?
Harley:What if that woman unknowingly just touched something that an HIV positive person bled on and now she's sticking her fingers in the child's mouth?
Alan:It's insane.
Harley:And again, she doesn't know why the child's at high risk. Maybe that scratch was already there in the child's mouth and she just introduced something straight into the child's bloodstream through that cut that's so scary. You can't force things on people, absolutely, oh my God.
Alan:Yeah, and I have very strong feelings about this.
Harley:Very strong feelings. Not the asshole at all.
Alan:No, not the asshole. The main thing I want to add is don't touch people without their consent is like the first thing that we're taught.
Harley:Don't touch people like that's dude, like something I was taught when I was that's like shoot one of the earliest memories I have human 101 as far as like you know, in a group setting, not at home yeah, that lady was not human, that lady disrespectful of human life was a freaking reptile from another planet.
Alan:Because in what world are you sticking your finger in people's mouths and thinking that that's fine?
Harley:yeah, you know, and then and then physically attacking them after they remove your hand that from their child's mouth.
Alan:You know, I don't know who that individual is. I do hope that OP gets that footage and I do hope maybe they do take some steps. Mm-hmm. Not because I wish bad on anyone, but because, like this, is a learning experience for this person. You know that old lady needs to be shown that it's not legally not okay to do that anyone, but because, like this, is a learning experience for this person, you know that that old lady needs to be shown that it's not legally not okay to do that, regardless of societal norms which follow within the legal bounds, it's not okay to do that.
Harley:Yeah, and regardless.
Alan:For many, many reasons, like you said regardless of your beliefs. So verdict, verdict for me, not the asshole. Not the asshole. But that person, that lady, is a terrible person and I do hope that OP finds them yeah.
Harley:Alright, and here's one last one. And this one should be a little bit different, because I think everyone can kind of agree that this person's the asshole. So this is, by more nothing, eight, five, seven, five. Am I the asshole for forgetting to pack some items for our family vacation?
Harley:I male 31, and my wife, female 28, went on a three-day family vacation with our three kids A month before. She expressed to me this wouldn't be a vacation for her because she would be organizing all of it, do all the packing, keep everyone on track. So I told her I would take the packing off her plate and she wouldn't have to do it. She asked me a few times in the week leading up to vacation. Ugh, my wife gave me a list of things we would need and said it was not an exhaustive list and so I would need to make sure I had everything. Well, I packed up everything I thought we would need before I could put the bags in the car. She went behind me and checked everything.
Harley:I had forgotten quite a few things and they just happened to be the ones that were not on her list. Having to go back and get these items caused us to leave late, souring the start of our vacation. In her eyes. Now she is mad at me because I don't know. I didn't know I needed that stuff. Like I said, I haven't packed for our vacations before. So am I the asshole for forgetting items I didn't know we would need edited uh, to add context the items that I forgot are activity binders that she makes for the kids to entertain them, her calculator and dry erase board for her to take an exam in parentheses.
Harley:She's taking online college classes for the summer one of her medications and forgot to buy road snacks and grab a bag for the trash in the car and a check we needed to cash on our way out. The kids are eight, seven and six, and this is our fourth big vacation. Now, before we get into any commentary, do you have anything to say about this?
Alan:As someone who I like to plan, like whenever I do go on a big trip or vacation yeah like I'll even put it to you this way, like I even sometimes come up with an itinerary, yeah, for what I'm gonna do that, for what I'm gonna do day to day during my vacation just because I like to kind of have an idea of what I like to do. It doesn't mean that things can't change right a flexible flexible itinerary that I painstakingly make it does take a while I like to plan events.
Alan:I like to plan this and that right. Uh. Packing, however, is not my strong suit, so I kind of understand forgetfulness. Yeah. But I mean, some of the things that he forgot is like medication.
Harley:That's insane to me.
Alan:And I think you should be a little bit more considerate of your partner, especially if they're in something important like that, right?
Harley:So there's a lot of commentary, and a lot of them that are pertinent were done before the edit, and so some of them I'm just going to skip over. But one that was after the edit says medication question mark question mark snacks question mark. Question mark money question mark question mark bestie you useless. Yeah, yta ergo meaning you're the asshole.
Harley:That's funny and and the comment after that is uh, bestie, you useless. And they're crying emojis, all these folks here with paragraphs and paragraphs of explanation, funny. And the comment after that is bestie, you, useless. And then crying emojis, all these folks here with paragraphs and paragraphs of explanation. And you nail it in three words. So most of what other comments have to say are here and there and you know big things are split up, so I'm mostly just going to summarize and a lot of it was. You know basically what I was thinking anyway. Uh, first, I understand why the wife would feel the way she felt. Of course, because, of course, because the OP has never packed for a trip, never, sure, this is their fourth, their fourth, and this is the first time he's done any packing for it.
Alan:That's crazy to me too.
Harley:That is absurd. Yes for it. That's crazy to me too, that that is absurd. Yes, it helps to illustrate the next point or kind of why.
Harley:I'm really pointing that out. Mmm, how useless, useless bestie. How useless are you that you haven't contributed anything to previous trips? Yeah, and presumably day-to-day life. Damn. If medication isn't even on your radar for packing. That's crazy. How clueless and out of the loop ergo not being a freaking parent, a present parent. Loop, ergo not being a freaking parent, a present parent I'm struggling to think of any parent that's not a deadbeat that doesn't plan ahead for snacks on a trip For their kids, with kids that are eight and under.
Harley:Right, Eight and under are always hungry for snacks. I understand there's some parents that say no snacks, but this clearly isn't that situation, because he forgot them. Yes, and I mean there's, there's more here and there, but if your wife is to the point of telling you that a vacation isn't going to be a vacation because of X, y and Z, it's because you've had years and years and probably years of being useless Wake-up call. Yes, use this as a wake-up call, move forward, be better. I'm not trying to say you're useless, go kill yourself.
Alan:I'm saying do better you've been useless.
Harley:be better for those that you love and care for. Yes, like.
Alan:I know.
Harley:And I mean I understand for getting a check. Sometimes you just straight up space, those things, especially if you're in a rush, I guess. And I mean, to a point, props on him for wanting to contribute at all, especially. I mean he heard, he heard his wife's complaint and he didn't just brush it off and say, well, that's the woman's job. So in that case you're in the right direction, you're headed in the right direction.
Harley:However, I mean so in that case, in that specific narrow view, you aren't the asshole for helping for trying to help and not doing it perfectly. You're the asshole for helping only this one time and and doing it like shit. Well, doing it like shit is to be expected when you're inexperienced. Sure, that's understandable and forgivable and slightly inconsiderate, but it just showcases how useless you are on a day-to-day basis, absolutely, which again uses as a turning point to be better.
Harley:Yes, don't, don't hear these comments calling you an asshole and be like oh well, I'll just go kill myself. No, this is not what the comments are about. The comments are saying you need to step up in your regular day-to-day life in a big way. Help your wife Be present for your family.
Alan:Yeah, absolutely.
Harley:I mean, I understand, like if this was a situation where this is a military dad which usually if you're in the military and writing a post, you mention that you're in the military and gone for you know 10 months of the year or what have you this guy never wrote any commentary about, he's always gone for work or whatever, so I'm assuming he's at home majority of the time, sure.
Alan:On a day-to-day basis. Context we don't have for sure.
Harley:Yes, there is potentially missing context here. On a day-to-day basis Context we don't have for sure. Yes, there is potentially missing context here, but those are the only situations I can think of in which you have a slight pass for being useless. In a situation like this, sure, because, yeah, you go many months without dealing with that. Okay, I can see that.
Harley:And it being outside of your wheelhouse. That's understandable, but I don't think I'm going to give that grace to this guy because there's no mention of that. Something like that would be something you would mention in a situation like this. I don't think so either.
Alan:I think verdict for me is he is the asshole. I don't think so either. I think verdict for me is he is the asshole, and I think, like you said, not to be taken in such a negative way, but to be taken in like I have to become a better husband, a better dad, and just think about more outside things rather than himself. And I do feel for the wife who feels like they're doing everything, it seems like, and I hope that he does decide to step up a little bit and help a little bit more in their day-to-day life yeah, so he's.
Harley:he's an, but maybe not specifically for this. Yeah, it just showcases how much of an asshole you are in your day-to-day life.
Alan:He's an nice hole. He's trying, you know. Yes. But I like that comment, bestie, you useless Uh-huh, and it's time to step it up and we'll go ahead and end the episode there.
Harley:Harley, there's a lot of assholes in this world, man and uh, I hope these kind of put things into perspective for some people like maybe I should be a little nicer, yeah I have, uh, one last thought for all of them, and just for life in general, for everyone, everyone listening, and that would be to keep your gloves up, because there are assholes out there absolutely whether they're intentional about it or not. There's assholes out there and you just gotta be ready. That doesn't mean to be an asshole in return, but sometimes it is warranted Just be, ready.
Harley:All right, y'all have a great time and we'll catch you next time. Thank you for listening and don't forget to like and subscribe and do all that lovely stuff that helps us keep going.
Alan:Catch you in the next one, guys.
Harley:Have a good night.
